DK sends me an email

It was late October or very early November six years ago, in 2007, when DK first emailed me. I remember being in the kitchen, making dinner and having my nightly phone recap with my best friend, Charlotte. In over 40 years, we’ve never gone long without talking, but since I’d thrown myself into the online dating pool a few months earlier, we talked every day – sometimes several – about the men who contacted me. Most of those conversations were punctuated by howls of laughter and “Oh My God, are you kidding me?!” To say that there was a dearth of the kind of men that attract my attention in the swampy waters is an understatement.

“So, I got this pretty cool letter from a guy today,” I said.

“Oh, reeeally? Let’s hear it!”

It was a very long letter, very thoughtful, well written and enthusiastic. He began by saying he’d started to email to me several times but kept deleting them and starting over. He wanted to be sure it was a letter I would read; that would get my attention. His letter was so earnest; almost eager, but not in an off-putting way. He was charming. I don’t remember the details of it now; at the time, it was just one of very many emails I got every day.

“He loves books and loves that I love them and that reading is important to me. He wasn’t put off by my requirement of proper spelling and punctuation. He loves curvy bodies. He says my pictures are sexy. He says smart women are sexy. He sounds very smart and pretty funny.”

“What’s he look like?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t have a picture on his profile. He says he is 6’ tall with an athletic build. Dark hair, dark eyes.”

“Sounds good; sounds like your type.”

“Yeah, it does. I wrote him back and he emailed back almost immediately. He’s fun. But..”

“But what?”

“He says he’s looking for a lover and a best friend.”

“That sounds good!”

“He also says he is 37.”

“So what?”

“That’s nine years younger than me.”

“So. What. Who cares?”

“I know. But he also says he is the single father of two young girls and works his ass off and doesn’t have time for a full-blown relationship.”

“He’s looking for a lover and a best friend but doesn’t want a relationship?”

“Exactly. Doesn’t make sense. I’m not interested in meeting someone if at least the possibility of a relationship doesn’t exist. What’s the point?”

“So, what did you tell him?”

“Just that. That he sounded like someone I might like to know but that I was only interested in a dating relationship; not occasional sex or casual intimacy. That isn’t my thing and I didn’t see any point in meeting someone who wasn’t interested in or have time for the same as me.”

“Yeah, he’s not for us. Oh, well. Any other interesting letters today?”

And it was as simple as that. One little email. It didn’t come with a big banner attached that said, “The writer of this missive is going to change your life!!” And it certainly didn’t come with one that said, “Immediately block the writer of this email from ever contacting you again; there is nothing here for you but heartache!!”

Would have been helpful if it had.

Crappy online dating service.

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