Browsing All posts tagged under »longing«

I don’t know

December 21, 2013


“We are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4am of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who […]

Two takes

October 18, 2013


I came perilously close last night to posting an entry that would be more at home in my private journal. I seem to be at a crossroads or pivotal point or, more likely, I’m just stuck in the mud. With that in mind, I’ve decided to post both versions of what I wrote last night […]

Infinite loneliness

July 7, 2013


Infinite loneliness and the sometime feeling of being so small, so insignificant– two of the longer-lasting gifts DK left with me. I am not sure which is greater. Perhaps they are the same thing. related posts: After Hours From above Midnight glitter

Agony and fever, part one

June 4, 2013


The last time I saw DK in any meaningful way was in November of 2011. We spent that cloudy day curled up together, eating pizza and watching movies on the big screen mounted on the wall at the foot of his bed. Before we went upstairs he invited me to pick out a movie for […]

How does my garden grow?

June 2, 2013


I have lost my heart for so many of the things I love since I met DK. Movies, meals, restaurants, menus, music.  It didn’t happen overnight; the erosion was slow. For many of them my fondness at first grew with the anticipation of finally sharing them with someone with whom I was in such sync; who […]

Porch sitting

May 29, 2013


The porch is one of the great pleasures of living in an old Craftsman house, especially on days – nights! – like today. I am awake in the middle of the night. The sky is overcast and the wind is intermittently whipping through the neighborhood trees, making a soft whooshing sound that ebbs and flows. […]


August 17, 2012


Turning to stone. I am rooted here, immobilized. I am drying up, turning to stone from lack of touch, lack of love. I am petrifying. Related posts: Dark days From Above  What if, if only After Hours