Browsing All posts tagged under »loneliness«

Midnight glitter

November 9, 2013

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It’s almost gone. Really. Whenever the thought of sex or simply laying beside someone and feeling his skin against mine (and the someone I inevitably imagine is DK), I’ve learned to shut it down; turn that tap off. How sad is that? Pretty sad. But it’s better than having unfulfilled desire rat-trapping my brain and […]

Shieldmaiden

November 5, 2013

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Once, during a ‘DK drive-by’ (DK’s term for his unannounced visits to my home), I bemoaned my messy hair and lack of makeup. DK fiddled with my sloppy ponytail and grinned, “I like it. It makes you look vulnerable. You’re even more sexy when you’re vulnerable.” It took six or seven years after my relationship […]

Two takes

October 18, 2013

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I came perilously close last night to posting an entry that would be more at home in my private journal. I seem to be at a crossroads or pivotal point or, more likely, I’m just stuck in the mud. With that in mind, I’ve decided to post both versions of what I wrote last night […]

The silvery moon

August 20, 2013

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Before I locked up the house last night, I stood outside for a time and looked up at the waxing moon. I remembered texts from DK one autumn evening, telling me how beautiful the dusk sky was as he drove to West Texas.  I remembered another day, another year, as I walked home from a […]

After hours

May 20, 2013

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The hours between the setting of the sun and me succumbing to sleep are when my aloneness most often morphs into loneliness. It’s when I am most aware of my desire for the kind of intimacy that none of my wonderful friendships can provide. It is the time when my body colludes with my mind […]

What if, if only.

May 16, 2013

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What if, if only, maybe. I really do try to not let any of the Maybe, If Only or What If cards shuffle into my consciousness because, hey Gretchen?  There are no what ifs. What’s done is done. Etc.  But sometimes I can’t help it. Like today. A great day, busy and productive, getting ready […]

Petrifying

August 17, 2012

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Turning to stone. I am rooted here, immobilized. I am drying up, turning to stone from lack of touch, lack of love. I am petrifying. Related posts: Dark days From Above  What if, if only After Hours